WaZzZzZzZzZz UpPpPpPpP PeOpLe?/?/?/?/?/?/? ok...that took like 30 seconds to do. Anyway, been a few days. So I figured I would catch everyone up to date. I don't know if I told everone, my cousin had her baby on the 6th. He is 21 1/2 inches long, weighs 8.7 ounces, has blonde hair and brown or blue eyes(not sure). Um... Tuesday was FCAT at the school, and I did pretty well. Then I went to Chef's class, I was like YAY he's here today! Then, I was cooking fries in the deep fryer, and I deep fried my finger. Then Nurse Parker gave me an ice pack, and didn't tell me the instructions/warnings, and I got frostbite...not cool. lol. Wednesday, Was kinda a flip flop day. It went like this ---/\/\/--- Something along that nature atleast. It ended off being a bad day. Although, Nurse Parker did make me feel good, but made me cry by doing it. She told me that life is a good thing, and in the past month, she's gotten closer to God and has felt more alive, even through all that has happened. Then she told me that Every life is an important tool, and called me her little Ginger. She then said that I am an important part of her life as of recently. That's the first time I think anybody has ever said that to me. So then I wrote a poem...but a more depressing one.
Today, I showed her the poem, and she hung it up in her office. I failed a history test, and my biology test. So I was like really ticked, and to add onto that, Chef wasn't here yet again today. He got sick again...not cool. I am in the process of writing Completion (the 3rd draft). We'll see how it turns out. Right now I need to do my homework, but I think Im not going to do it, and turn it in on Monday as my one late thing. I have some more important things to do. (When did my life become more important to me than my school work?) I don't know... Well... I'll ttyl later. Bye!

Ending this life,
What purpose?
Killing myself,
Asking for death?
What to use,
Rope, gun, or knife?

I don’t want to keep going,
I want to end it all.
I want to say bye,
Swallow my pride.
Show the world how much I fail,
How shallow I can be.
I am too afraid,
I can’t go on.

Weapons around,
Tree, trigger, and impulse.
Quick or slow,
Agony and pain,
Either way.

If I continue to hold on,
Will there be happiness and joy?
What would change my mind,
What can make me stay?
I don’t want to let go,
But there is no other way.

How can I change,
Oh lord, save me.
Keep me in your reach,
Pull me from this thought,
How can I try to take Your Life?
Your life you gave up for me,
Yet I want to end mine for me.

Take my selfishness,
Hold it off of my shoulders.
Bring me happiness and joy,
For you’re the only one that can save.

-Ginger Smith 2/6/06

This poem was written for a friend that has been thinking about suicide lately. They said this helped them change their mind, and showed them they had a lot more to think about.

Lying on the floor,
The smoke all around.
The bugs crawling through me,
The fears washing over me.
Pain strikes my heart,
As I start to shout.

Dying from the inside out,
Hoping to be picked up.
Up off of this cold floor.
You watch and laugh,
Seeing my bleeding soul.
Soon the floor goes red,
I could be dead.

Why do I want to live on,
Why try to survive?
Just to have you rub my eyes,
Pour Alcohol down my throat,
Try as you might,
THIS IS MY FIGHT!

I won’t let you keep me,
I won’t let you kill.
You might have before,
But Im not another victim,
Im a survivor to this game,
You might be the problem,
But I am the solver.

What would the world think,
If I so happen to come out alive?
What would the would do,
If I come out the only survivor?
What would God do,
If I decide to give in?
What would family do,
If I decide to let him win?
What would you do,
If you knew you’d never see me again?

-Ginger Smith
2/6/06

This is one of my questioning poems

Why do I believe, what I can't see,
Why do I trust, what I can't hear,
Why do I love, what I can't feel?

Why do I continue to believe,
Why do I continue to trust,
Why do I continue to love you?

Its destiny and fate pulling us together,
Bringing our hearts to one another,
Showing just how we are perfect as one.

God led me to you, and you to me,
Distance doesn't keep me from your love,
Your love holds me together,
Thats why I believe, trust, and love you too.

-Ginger Smith 2/6/06

I honestly don't know what to title these things. LOL. So its just what Im thinking...uhhhh. Anyway today was a good day, I thought it was going to be a very bad day or atleast dull day since Chef wasn't here today. He's at home sick....awww! lol, I hope it wasn't me that got him sick, Ive been sick since last Thursday, and I know how bad it sucks.
Lets see, other than that... I didn't get to show him the new version of Completion, I have to wait til tomorrow, and thats if he is even there tomorrow.
I slept in a little late this morning, I couldn't stop snuggling little Tyson. We just slept an extra 20 mins, he was so warm, and it made me want to stay home. But I went to school.
Lets see what else happened today? I wrote some more poems...whats new? I will post them in a sec. Some our more depressing, but I wrote them for somebody.
Honestly other than that...nothing really happened. Tomorrow I have the FCAT Writes, which is a statewide test. So Im like gonna be early tonight...lol