Been awhile yet again...I've been having issues with my computers again, and have just been real busy. Don't have much time to post at the moment either. I went to Cocoa Beach Thursday and Friday. Had a lot of fun, visited with family that I haven't seen in a good 5-10 years...Went go-kart racing, and just had a lot of fun. I shared my poetry with family, told them about my accomplishments, and how I'm starting college tomorrow.

Then I had a party yesterday. I had some friends stay over Friday night, party all day Saturday, and stay again last night. We had a lot of fun. My life has just been busy busy busy. My dad got into a bad car accident, so I've been helping him out, he totalled his truck, so I've been taking him places. I got to do some work right now, got to clean up the house from my party. So I gotta get off of here. I start my classes tomorrow, and I'm really nervious. Hopefully I'll stick to it, and post about my first day of class. Somebody leave me a comment to remind me to do so...lol. Peace Out!
-Ging

Sorry for the recent absence from the stream...I had computer problems... My hard-drive crashed on my laptop, I just got everything back up and running. Lost a lot of my stuff, really saddened I am. Luckily, I printed out my first poetry book with all of my poems a week before my hard-drive crashed. So I didn't lose those, which that was the only thing having true value to me.

Today has been quite the interesting day...there's a brush fire going on right now as I type...it's not even a minute away from my house. When I step outside I can see the flames in the sky...pretty scary ey? Here's a picture of the fire up over the trees.
Here's a map of my neighborhood. That's how close the fire is to my house.

Anyway...my main point in writing wasn't to talk about this fire going on. It was to talk about falseness. I feel as if people are putting me on medications to change me. I'm on ritalin, and zoloft. The ritalin is to calm me down, and the zoloft is to make me not be so depressed.

I don't understand why people won't just accept me for the person that God created in the beginning 16 years, 2 months, and 30 days ago. Why is it that people feel like they have to change me with medications? Why aren't I good enough for others just the way I was made??? Not everyone has to like me, or tolerate me, but I don't want to be loved for being someone that isn't 100% me... am I wrong for thinking this way just because of medications? I don't know, but what I do know is that I hate taking drugs. Prescription drugs that is because I don't feel like I need them. Yes I am depressed, but that is because of the things that I have overcome (which I didn't overcome with medicine, I overcame them through God). Yes I'm hyper some of the time, but that is because I enjoy to entertain people. It's something that God gave me as a talent. I spice up a crowd.

Does anybody agree with me? Or am I just speaking for myself...hmmm I don't know... But I do need to get some rest. I'll post again tomorrow talking about the Summer and my thoughts on that subject. Til Then,

Peace Out!
-GiGi

It's been since Friday since I've written, I didn't do that purposely, and I didn't forget completely. I just wasn't home much. This weekend went by so fast, and the week is doing the same thing. There is only two days of school left, and the heart ache is starting to form deep down inside.

I've been in some physical pain lately as well. I have reinjured my shoulder for like the billionth time now. OWWWEEE, this time my joint connector in my shoulder is out of place. I've been put on meds, and my doctor said that if that doesn't work in a couple weeks, then he's going to start me up on Physical Therapy. So I'm looking at quite the beginning to a most miserable Summer. I wish school didn't have to end. I'm going to miss everything there.

I don't have much else to say, My days of inspiration were last week. I can't seem to bring up anything deep at the moment. I wish I could. Today I did end up on the subject of Funerals, I don't even remember how we got on the subject. All I remember were the thoughts running through my head at the time. Michael, he's the only person's funeral that I've made it to. It was an open casket, and it was horrific. I regret that seeing him at his funeral was the first time that I had seen him in a year...

Well I have lost my train of thought since I took a 30 minute break to talk to my mom. So I'm going to head out to take some cute pictures of Tyson...

Peace Out!
-Gigi

Today hasn't been much of a day at all. Not much has been going through my mind. There is something that happened today, and that just so happens to revolve around memories...

I ran across a little blue notebook. Man, what a notebook this is. There is 8 pages in this notebook that my mom wrote on last Summer. Everything in there was about the hectic events that we went through last Summer. Man reliving those memories was to be honest, eccentric. It was like I was letting go of my past. Relinquishing it from my grasp and mind. I realized things that I've been told, but just didn't believe for myself. My psychiatrist told me that I don't need to go through the troubles of making up with my family (outside family, not parents); she says that I don't need those type of people in my life because they'll only bring me down.

There were other things in this notebook that my mom wrote. Stuff about me, and how she betrayed me by smoking pot, even though she knew it bothered me so much. Childhood memories are great, no matter if they're painful or joyful. I believe that you shouldn't regret things because it's a waste of time. Honestly without every decision, every choice, every mistake, every promise, every lie, every word, every litte thing that you do in life makes YOU WHO YOU ARE TODAY!!! You couldn't be there without it.

I've not only been thinking about my childhood in the home, but at school. I remember growing up with these people. My friends that I've known since Kindergarden. It's amazing to think that we've been through Elementary, Middle, and now almost our Junior year of High School. It honestly is, not only have we grown physically, but emotionally. We've all become mature (well most of us) teenagers.
I've been looking over pictures from previous yearbooks, my personal pictures, and such...it's just an amazing transformation that you see in each and every person. God is a wonderful being, and he has done a magnificent job with the human population and the running of the Earth.

Ha..now I just found my journal from last year...hehe. Lets see my bio.

"Ginger Smith"
Age: 15 yrs and 2 months
B-Day: March 10th, 1990
Favorite Color: Blue
Favorite Food: Ranch Dressing
Best Friend: Lindsay McMall
Favorite thing to do: Listen to music and watch wrestling!
Favorite Wrestler: John Cena
Sexiest Person Alive: John Cena
Favorite Singer: John Cena
Favorite Actor: John Cena

Hmmm...now lets look at me.

"GiGi"
Age: 16 yrs and 2 months
B-Day: March 10th, 1990
Favorite Color: Blue
Favorite Food: Tacos
Best Friend: Leah Traver
Favorite Thing to do: Write Poetry, listen to music, and go to school.
Favorite Wrestler: none
Sexiest Person Alive: John Cena
Favorite Singer: Jon Micah Sumrall
Favorite Actor: Hugh Grant

hehe...I see some changes in there...lol. Now, lets examine the actual journal...hehe. Right...don't really wanna remember my dating period...hehe.

Well, I'm off to bed now. Just have to make sure I post something everyday now.

Peace Out!
-Gigi

Today I learned a lot about myself, I never knew how much of an inspiring person I am. I don't care if I don't inspire other people, it's me that I inspire and impress. I was looking through my new poetry book, and I was reading through my works. I didn't know how much my words really meant, it's weird how even I can be such an inspiring person.

Since the year is coming to a close, with only one week left. I've been thinking a lot, and I mean deep thinking. I'm not trying to bring up the past, that's not the case at all. I'm looking over this past year in general. How good it's been to me, how much I've changed, how much everyone around me has changed.

I remember my first day being a sophomore. I felt awkward and out of place because I was dressed like a girl, and not in my "normal" guy cloths that the student body was use to seeing me in. I remember Chef freaking out on me because I had gotten out of wrestling. When he heard he felt my head and said "Are you sure you're not running a fevor". Now I look at myself today;

I've already dropped the girly act that I was portraying, I never felt like myself when I dressed like that. I haven't gone back to the guyish cloths, I've just sorta created my own trend. I've gotten into Christian music, and become really religious. When you see me in the hall, I'm not known as "Ginger", but "GiGi". I've grown to be the special person in the school, that all the teachers really like.

This year I feel has been my healing year. I've never been able to let go of my past; I never allowed others to know that, but it still ate at me each and everyday. This year I've somehow started to detach from my past, let it all go. I think it's both a mixture of the people I've grown close to and talked to, and also the fact that I have been counseling myself through my poetry.

I've opened up to people this year, I've revealed a lot of things that I believed that I never would in my entire lifetime. I've shared feelings, regrets, sorrows, and pains with remarkable souls. I've brought joy to the hearts of many, and they have brought life into mine. I've become an important asset to this World, that other's see as an individual that could be of somewhat greatness later on in life.

Sometimes I wonder just how I've been able to enter into this land and be so popular in the eyes of people of greatness? How is it that I've become such a special person, when I'm so selfish? When I go to school, it's for myself to move on over the past; not for anybody else. When I work my hiney off in my work, it's so that I can climb my ladder to success; not to make anyone else feel proud. But why do people feel proud of me, what have I been able to do for them?

When I look at myself in the mirror, I see a confused individual. I don't see someone of any special treatment. It's what others say about me that makes me realize that I am this special someone. I am of somewhat higher greatness already. Not just in my academics, but in my knowledge of this World. I'm not perfect, and never will be; I just know that with determination and will power, I can give back to the World with what God has granted me.

Con mucho amor,
Gigi